Word: accordions
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While Welnick is the band's regular keyboardist, he is often joined on stage by Bruce Hornsby, who plays the grand piano and accordion with The Dead when his schedule allows...
...also played by men. This twist gives the burlesque a wierd glow and cues some wonderfully precise writing and acting. Pageant, conceived and directed by Robert Longbottom, never degenerates into drag queens unchained. Like Miss Industrial Northeast (Joe Joyce), who roller-skates while playing the Sabre Dance on her accordion, the show is perfectly poised on the precipice of farce. And like Miss West Coast (John Salvatore), who performs an interpretive dance called "The Seven Ages of Me," Pageant is all about ego and the denial of self -- about the eagerness of Americans to let others, even a cosmetics manufacturer...
...himself with the family down the block. He is especially smitten with their 15-year-old daughter Laura, whom he showers with pet names ("Hi, my little Jell-O mold") to no avail. One night he even shows up outside her bedroom window to woo her with an accordion serenade of Feelings...
...then it was too late. The accordion proliferated like the South American killer bee, joining the family of base instruments that includes the comb and tissue paper, the bagpipe and the exhaust pipe. Today an estimated 75,000 accordionists can be observed running amuck across the U.S., competing in squeeze-offs. In self-defense, they are banded together in associations presided over by the likes of people named Big Lou. It would not surprise anyone to learn that a certain Big George laces himself into the accordion harness and knocks out a couple of choruses of Boola Boola when...
Meanwhile, the accordion lobby's triumph threatens to encourage further erosion of the musical landscape. They have already infiltrated a punk band dubbed Polkacide and the backup bands of Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. Next the city fathers of Detroit; Skokie, Ill.; and St. Paul will succumb and proclaim the accordion their official designated hitter. These cities are unaware that it is the convergence of hundreds of accordion players pumping out The Beer Barrel Polka in unison that depletes the ozone layer. The Red Cross is looking into this...