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Hank Williams Jr.'s rendition of the red-neck anthem If Heaven Ain't a Lot Like Dixie (Then I Don't Want to Go) should be spitting out of your car radio as you make the more than 150-mile drive from Pigeon Forge to Fort Mill, S.C. It will put you in the mood for Heritage USA, Televangelist Jim Bakker's hotel and convention complex that attracts 5 million of the faithful each year. Cynics call the place Six Flags over Jesus, but you will be disappointed if you come expecting a Holy Roller coaster or a guided...
They played Baby Gal, and Owens sang in a register higher than a cat can hit when you step on its tail: "Ain't got no clothes, baby gal,/ Can't go nowhere." Spires said they get together about once a month, and they never "need no training up," so accustomed are they to one another's rhythms. "Say it loud and draw a crowd!" Bud Spires hollered as Jack Owens wailed, "You're tryin' to quit me now,/ But you don't know how." It began raining, and fat drops played the roof while the two friends played...
...street and play a tune or two because you can pick up cash quickly that way. Then he got his guitar, an expensive Martin, and after making sure there were no women in earshot, he swung into Catfish Blues, a song so lowdown nasty he said "I ain't gon' give you too much." Most of the verses were difficult to understand -- there was something about "belly to belly" and "skin to skin" in the middle there -- but it did sound downright filthy nonetheless. It gave you the feeling you had been caught peeking in a girlie magazine...
...There ain't but three chords in the blues...
...what? There ain't but three chords in life...