Word: alberoni
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Angelic Bottom. When the War of the Spanish Succession (England, Austria, Holland and Prussia v. France and Spain) broke out, Parma's Duke sided with the French. Abbe Alberoni, 33, was among those sent to pay little Parma's respects to French Marshal Vendome. The haughty Marshal received the Parmesan statesmen by rising from his privy seat and turning his bare butt to them. Cried Abbe Alberoni: "Checulo d'angelo!" ("What an angelic bottom!") Marshal Vendome was enchanted, soon signed Alberoni on as his private secretary. The shrewd secretary bought Vendome's vain generals new wigs...
...Soon Alberoni was thick as thieves with Spain's uxorious Bourbon King Philip V, "who could not do without a woman in his bed, but who would allow into it no woman that was not his wife." This royal singularity Alberoni met with prelatical resourcefulness by promoting the charms of Princess Elisabeth Farnese of Parma as "a good Lombard girl . . . stuffed with butter and Parmesan cheese." Philip mar ried...
Boiled Chicken Politics. The King could be controlled through his passion for boiled chicken; Alberoni sent him one every day. The Queen was both gluttonous and fussy. For her Alberoni imported Italian cheese, wine, ravioli, truffles and gooseberries (he insisted to the Duke of Parma that they were vital to the security of Italy). No matter how busy he might be with domestic and foreign affairs, the culinary Cardinal never failed to dash to the royal palace at mealtimes to cook the Queen her favorite dishes. If she did not see eye to eye with him on policy, Alberoni would...
Like other dictators, Alberoni confessed to three plausibly well-intentioned ambitions : 1) to put Spain back on its imperial feet; 2) to free his native Italy from Austria; 3) to restore peace to Europe. He reorganized Spain's industry, revitalized its civil service-the equivalent of Mussolini's making the railroads run on time...
...Alberoni had built the biggest Spanish fleet since the Armada. "It is my aim," he wrote, "that the King should remain at peace with everyone, in order that one day he may be in a position to make war on those who may not wish to be his friends." Meanwhile Alberoni shipped a Spanish army against Austrian-held Sardinia and Sicily...