Word: allenate
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...Allen only wishes...
...present-day scenes of the movie, Woody is happily married to a beautiful, young, sexy wife (surprise, surprise) with whom he adopts a child. The kid turns out to be a genius, and Allen, for reasons unexplained, throws himself into a quest to find the kid's biological mother who he assumes is brilliant as well...
Instead of a Nobel laureate, Allen finds Linda, a dumb, beautiful, young, sexy porn star/prostitute (surprise, surprise), whom he quickly befriends. As he spends more and more time with Linda (played by Mira Sorvino, who should be winner of this year's Most Annoying Voice Award), his wife begins to cheat on him, and eventually he turns to Linda for consolation...
...Allen himself is annoying with his mindless babbling and weak jokes. Some may find his antics amusing. But frankly, the "poor-little-man-who-gets-a-sex-goddess" theme is just not funny anymore...
...rest of the main characters are even more dry and lifeless than Allen. The desire to slap Helena Bonham Carter out of her self-pity is overwhelming, and only increases as the movie progresses. And Michael Rapaport, while likable at first as the "dumb-blond" boxer Allen tries to fix Linda up with, winds up sounding plastic and rehearsed, without a shred of believable character in him. By the trite end, it is clear that you are supposed to be happy for them. But you can't be happy for people you never liked-or even got to know...