Word: angers
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...they feel terrible? Is it because they don't have a goal, or is that lack of a goal a symptom of feeling terrible? The crucial point is that we all feel terrible at times. The difference between boys who get into difficulty with their anger and those who don't is the way they respond to feeling terrible...
...focus of your book problem kids or the average teenage boy who sometimes shouts at his parents? Both. A lot of my work with teenage anger has been with the 5% of the male population in early high school, trying to help them find other ways of addressing what's wrong rather than swearing at teachers or being violent or smashing property. But there are boys across the spectrum of anger difficulties, and all could benefit from their parents knowing more about how to manage things...
...What kind of damage can adolescent anger do to families? Enormous damage. It can destroy the bonds that keep a family together. A problem with anger is that it's contagious. When parents have an angry son in the house, it's very easy to get caught up in that anger and to respond in kind. When the son starts yelling, they yell back. If his parents keep responding in this way, the son will begin to feel there's no place for him in the home...
...What are the keys to dealing with a teenager's anger? Because they're the adults, parents need to suck it in and step back and try a whole lot of other things besides getting mad. Parents have to try, at times when the anger's not around, to come back to their son and revisit the issue at the core of the argument. They need to identify the kernel of truth contained in his anger, and go back to their son and say, Listen, you said this - can you tell me a little bit more about what...
...What else? In adolescence, boys need to feel they're working towards something, whether it be an apprenticeship or university or whatever. If they have something they want to preserve, that's a reason for them to hang on to their anger. It's those boys who feel marginalized, who feel they have no future and nothing to lose, they're the boys who end up joining groups made up of other marginalized youth. They come to think, I'm going to act exactly how I feel - and I feel terrible...