Word: approaches
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Dates: during 1970-1979
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Like almost everything else at Harvard, Freshman Week depends a lot on how you approach it. You and about 1600 equally nervous, eager, and thoroughly confused people will be subjected to a week of nonstop new things with new people, and even if you never stop moving around there'll be things that you miss, or will want to miss. There are, of course, several ways to cope with Freshman Week, and the pattern you choose will depend on your attitude coming in and how quickly you can adjust to a rather odd situation...
...Approach #1. The First Week at Sleep-Away Camp Approach. This tactic is particularly recommended for those who have never been away from home for long periods of time. Prerequisites: a vacant, wondrous, slightly overwhelmed stare, a willingness to get out there and meet lots of people, and the ability to rant glibly about topics of no particular relevance. A lot of people seem to take this line, apparently reasoning that in the first week, blissful ignorance and complete openness make for the best approach. It's probably not a bad idea; there's no better time, ever, to meet...
...Approach #2. The Duke Mantee Autograph Model Paranoid Approach. Recommended for the Shy, the Truly Paranoid, and the Easily Disgusted. Prerequisites: A nascent sense of misanthropy or the inability to deal with people whom you are convinced are either out to get you or trying to prove their superiority. This famous approach, also suggested for the disdainful, lets you waltz through Freshman Week as an observer. As a non-combatant, you get to watch everyone else have a real "good time" while you stand at the fringes, cringing or remaining aloof. Just remember to be aware of the distance...
...Approach #3. The Standard Approach. Prerequisite: Desire to talk about your SAT's, major, law or medical school of choice. You must read all of the suggested books and go to as many University-sponsored events as possible. Always smile. Spend a lot of money, and get thoroughly lost at least twice, once on campus and once in Cambridge (which by some quirk of the Puritan Ethic lacks signs indicating the names of major streets, but has them for side streets, presumably working on the assumption that if you don't know the name of the street...
...Approach #4. The Cultivated Superiority Approach. Prerequisite: before you arrive in Cambridge, compile a list of things that you have done or that your family owns that are sure to impress anybody. A subdivision of this is Intellectual One-Upmanship. If your new roommate has read all of Proust's A La Recherche du Temps Perdu, come right back at him with your A.P. scores (fours are dull), or your knowledge of physical chemistry. Lying is permissable, because no one will ever know the difference if you can effectively fake it. Make pronouncements about everything. Wear a lot of preppie...