Word: apter
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...first “international human rights tribunals” in a recent article. As such, they preceded a line of famous international courts, including the International Military Tribunal at Nuremburg (1945) and the International Criminal Tribunal for the Former Yugoslavia (1993). What makes the mixed-commissions system an apter analogy in terms of Darfur today, though, is the peacetime incentives behind its establishment...
...mother lives two hours north of the city, so there's no risk of her popping round to check the dust levels on the bookshelf or calling my husband every time her TV is on the fritz. That means we avoid one of the more common complaints that Apter heard from women: that their mothers-in-law demand too much attention from their sons. In What Do You Want from Me?, one woman describes how her mother-in-law expects her son "to come round late at night even to change a lightbulb." For me and my mother...
Another savior of our relationship is my husband's relationship with his mother. "If I doubted my son's love for me, I'd be more likely to see you as a threat," she tells me. "But I don't." Apter's research supports that theory; she found that doubt is what drives any conflict between women and their mothers-in-law. "The root of the problem is vulnerability," says Apter, "the fear that the valuable relationship between mother and son is under threat as lives change. Mothers are left thinking, 'Will I still be valued for what I bring...
...mother know that she will be - a job most aren't very good at. "Daughters are better at reassuring their mothers that even though their lives are changing, they're still attached to their mothers," Apter says. "Men are less proactive about that reassurance." So every time my husband calls his mother to chat about the latest football scores, he takes us all another step further down the path of familial harmony...
...there is one potential powder keg we haven't come to yet: children. Apter found that, in all the ethnic cultures included in her research and across the generations, child-rearing was one of the most constant and stressful sources of conflict between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law. "If I don't see my grandkids as much as I want, if I don't think they're being cared for properly, if I don't think they're being raised in a way that is consistent with my beliefs of a good life," then trouble can ensue, says...