Word: arnold
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...even this god of war had to adapt to the 1990s and its politically correct paradigm. Changing times required a change of pace, and Arnold gamely struggled to reinvent his image with films like Last Action Hero. This 1993 effort (read: it’s an effort to watch) was intended as a sort of film within a film; the dreadful result is more a film without a film. Subsequent comedies like Junior, in which he became the first man to give birth, miscarried at the box office. When the news leaked in 1997 that Arnold had undergone surgery...
...would be another two years before Ah-nuld reappeared on the big screen, in the millennial action thriller End of Days. Hyped as “Arnold vs. Satan,” it was savaged mercilessly by critics, who opined that “burning in hell might be a better option than seeing another film by Schwarzenegger.” With a cool reception at the box office, the film was seen as the last gasp of a fading star. As it turned out, Arnold was still good for another gasp, namely 2000’s evil twin picture...
Colombians protested their negative portrayal in the film; Arnold should be the one protesting. There is much unintentional humor in the spectacle of this giant Vienna sausage doing his level best to emote. His only shining moment takes place after the death of his family. Draped in a blanket and tottering before a background of rubble and smoke, he looks at the little corpse of his boy with a haunted, guilt-ridden look that is so genuine even the most jaded viewer cannot help but be moved...
Unfortunately, that moment of catharsis is also the last. The rest the film is bogged down in bad acting and action movie clichés. Most unforgivable of all, Arnold becomes human. Note to the director: have done with the tortured heroes, the conflicted warriors. We like our Arnold resolute, unyielding and triumphant. What we get instead is an Arnold shaken, not stirred. To see our invincible Terminator brought low by a terrorist is to receive a cinematic blow to the groin. It’s painful, it’s excruciating and it turns us completely off. Rocky...
...longer includes six-foot Aryan walls of muscle (though funny accents still abound). As James Bond, Pierce Brosnan has managed to elude age with a suaveness and wit to be found nowhere else. Jet Li can offer his lightning-quick martial arts skills to woo audiences. As for Arnold contemporaries Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis, their biggest successes of late have not been in traditional action fare. Arnold’s strength is his strength, and films like Collateral Damage haven’t done it any favors...