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...Most basically, these aliens are not here to give us a last peaceful warning. Their trigger fingers are beyond itchy and they launch a major assault on the world's capitals, a concatenation of been-there, done-that special effects that first deadens the senses and then, mercifully, induces narcolepsy. The aliens don't really give a chance to respond to their warnings. As a matter of fact, since their alternative to our threatening behavior appears to be even more menacing - it consists of swarms of metallic insects gnawing nastily away at any human flesh in its path - it makes...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: The Day the Earth Stood Still: Alienating | 12/12/2008 | See Source »

...patrol car while he took a statement from Harry. Returning to the car, Fitzpatrick "saw Bettie in the back seat, with her dress pulled up, panties around her knees, masturbating with a coat hanger that the officer had left" there. His report: "defendant psycho." Assault and battery and disorderly conduct charges were dropped after she recommitted herself to Jackson Memorial, where she spent six months, part of it under a suicide watch...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Bondage Babe Bettie Page Dies at 85 | 12/11/2008 | See Source »

...trailer owned by her neighbors Esther Trevin, 67, and Esther's 77-year-old husband, Bettie, unprovoked, attacked the woman with a knife and was subdued by Mr. Trevin, who, after warning Bettie to drop the knife, knocked her out with a crescent wrench. Charged on two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, Bettie was found not guilty by reason of insanity. The following year she was sentenced to five years' confinement at Patton State Hospital. Just seven months later, on her doctor's recommendation, she was released...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Bondage Babe Bettie Page Dies at 85 | 12/11/2008 | See Source »

When militants attacked the Indian Parliament in late 2001--an assault blamed partly on Lashkar--the two countries came to the brink of another war. The U.S., then mopping up after defeating the Taliban in Afghanistan, helped keep them apart. The subsequent cease-fire has ushered in a few years of peace, one now endangered by the Mumbai attacks...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Can India and Pakistan Lower Tensions Over Kashmir? | 12/11/2008 | See Source »

...originals. 5. “Pretty Fly For a Rabbi”—Parody of “Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)” by The Offspring As a Jewish kid from New Jersey, I was hurt by The Offspring’s assault on the wannabes of white suburbia. But change the subject matter to Bar Mitzvahs and pastrami: now that speaks to me. 4. “Smells Like Nirvana”—Parody of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana Here, Al decides to actually...

Author: By Jeffrey W. Feldman, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: Top Five 'Weird Al' Parodies That Are Better Than The Original | 12/11/2008 | See Source »

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