Word: asses
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...Jennifer [Lopez] is a talented girl. I don't have the ass...
Unfortunately her vehicle of choice, a 1997 Buick LeSabre, is the very one in which Del stashed his stolen drugs. Equally unfortunately, the guys who offed him (Morgan Freeman's pensive Charlie and his kick-ass protege, Chris Rock's Wesley) are in hot pursuit, intent on recovering the goods and silencing the only witness to their crime...
...shines on even a dog's ass every once and a while, and although we're not quite sure what that bit of homespun wisdom means, we take it as confirmation that our reasonable amount of success last week was in fact not a fluke but was all part of (as Joe Lieberman might say) God's Master Plan. Or at least Vince Lombardi's. When the KC Line goes 8-7, and Slim and Josie follow with 7-8 weekends, it's cause for celebration, braggadocio and some very fine, well, vermouth is all we have around the office...
...even more fitting, if a touch sad, that he should appear on the Democratic podium, in L.A., on the same night as did Jimmy Smits, an actor best known for baring his soul and, très un-Liebermanically, his ass, on "NYPD Blue." Oh, and Smits was preceded at the mike by Robert Rubin, arguably the single member of the Clinton administration most identified with the economic prosperity that the Democrats are relying on to win Gore-Lieberman the election. Guess which one got the hearty welcome? That's right, while the distracted delegates seized Rubin's few minutes...
...would be Bill, requiring the Jaws of Life to pry his fingernails from the podium. But my hopes for truly fine TV were dashed once Loretta Sanchez took herself out of the speaker lineup, thus eliminating any chance that she'd tear into Al Gore's bad-Spanish-speaking ass for hypocritically scotching her Hispanic fund-raiser at the Playboy mansion. (Let's not forget that Hugh Hefner helped give Jimmy Carter the presidency by publishing his "lust in my heart" interview in 1976, which of course went unmentioned in Carter's Irving Thalberg Award film that night...