Word: bam
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...brothers, ages 8 to 10, to duke it out. "I like the bigger screen because you can see where you're going," said the oldest, Victor. Kyle especially liked Atlus' Super Dodge Ball Advance. "When you hit the ball, it can go high." But Andre had some issues with Bam! Entertainment's Fire Pro Wrestling. "You can't grapple," he complained, "and the person I'm playing against always wins...
...Emeril" proves to be funny, I will eat my own foot in a port-wine reduction sauce. Forget Lagasse's apparent stiffness delivering lines in the few scenes we saw. Forget his almost pitiable, parody-of-himself speech to the advertiser crowd, which basically consisted solely of his catchphrases - "Bam!" "Kick it up a notch!" and "Happy happy!" All you need to know about "Emeril" is that its highlight reel - mind you, the funniest few seconds culled from an entire slaved-over pilot - actually used "You are the weakest link, goodbye" as a punchline...
...well among focus groups - the NBC press release actually said Lagasse's appeal is "proven by research." Translation: "Look, you and I both know this is hoo-hah, but those slack-jawed, cornfed tourists we dragged into an air-conditioned screening room just love it when that guy says 'Bam...
...fail. Meanwhile, the first murmurs we're hearing about network schedules have sitcom and drama vehicles in the works for Richard Dreyfuss, Ellen DeGeneres, Jason Alexander and on NBC - and I only wish I were kidding - Food Network chef Emeril Lagasse. (Note to NBC personnel: first person to say "Bam!" within an arm's length of me gets a Scripto up their nostril...
...other channels before the Sunday shows even went off the air - plays the devil on Bush's right shoulder, and Whitman gets put on his left as the administration's own environmental underdog, a safely declawed, in-house John McCain. And when Dick Cheney thinks the time is right, bam! - having moved the entire debate 10 paces to the right, Bush strikes a deal between the extremist (Norton) and the moderate (Whitman) and calls it a benevolent compromise...