Word: barzilai
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Before he could come into his kingdom, said Barti, Rich Man Barzilai must give some proof of his faith-$1,000 in cash. The money was placed under a stone in the rabbi's courtyard; it duly disappeared and was replaced by a receipt signed by Gabriel, Michael and Raphael. Barti persuaded Barzilai to burn the receipt. It would be returned on Judgment Day, he said. And so it went for four years-another $1,000 for his royal robes, a deposit of $2,500 on a gift of $5,000 "for the Lord himself," still more...
...Thinking. As Barzilai grew impatient for his kingdom, he began receiving a series of 32 letters signed "God Almighty." In red ink (when the Lord was angry) and in black (when he was not), the typewritten letters demanded that Barzilai return all documents and paraphernalia to Barti. The return address was not heaven, but % Rabbi Barti. Finally, Barti ordered Barzilai to Tiberias to fast for 40 days. "I ate nothing but a few slices of bread and drank nothing but water," said Barzilai. "But I did do quite a lot of thinking." As a result of his thinking, Barzilai went...
...trial in Tel Aviv's district court, Rabbi Barti conducted his own defense. Barzilai's story was a pack of lies, he implied. "How could you believe," he asked Barzilai, "that for so paltry a sum as $5,000 you could buy King Solomon's throne, his raiment and the treasure dating back to the days of creation-especially as my magic hadn't even helped your wife?" Answered Barzilai: "I believed because you swore on the Bible, and I am a simple...
Convinced of Barti's "satanic devilish plot" by Barzilai's guilelessness and by God Almighty's letters (which proved to have been composed on Barti's typewriter), the court last week sentenced the wizard of Akir to 18 months in jail. Mourned the man who would be king of the Jews: "I'm not sore about the loss of the money, and I don't feel the messianic call any more, but I am really sorry that I'm not the Messiah...
...Illegal under Israeli law, except when, as in Barzilai's case, he married both wives before Israel became a state...