Word: bayes
(lookup in dictionary)
(lookup stats)
Dates: all
Sort By: most recent first
(reverse)
...memento. But he shakes it out while preparing to leave for Princeton, unintentionally rebooting the whole conflict. The shard infuses him with great genius - the Cube being the source of all alien-robot knowledge - making him, once again, the Decepticons' main quarry. And once again, it takes director Michael Bay 144 minutes and a tremendous amount of firepower and heaving bosoms to re-vanquish the Decepticons. Even then, it still seems highly likely that the worst of them, a black hulk bearing an uncanny resemblance to Mont Saint-Michel (yes, the French island town) will live to see a third...
...appallingly offensive ghetto patois, were my victims, I could live with myself. The world doesn't need more versions of Jar Jar Binks. But what if it were the Autobot leader, Optimus Prime? Optimus truly cares about the future of the human race, unlike the Obama Administration, which Bay represents as so prissy and antiwar it just wants the alien robots off the planet. Bay's Obama would probably drive his Prius over Optimus if he had the chance. But no problem; if you still had your hearing in the deafening home stretch of Revenge of the Fallen...
...Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman share the writing credit for this astonishing mishmash of Hasbro advertising copy and every movie in the good-vs.-evil ilk. But Revenge is director Michael Bay at his purest: gleaming machines, humans that glisten with an omnipresent layer of sweat, dozens of locations and a story line so messy it borders on the abstract. He's even given one of the Decepticons testicles (brass, swinging). The whole experience is like having your nose pressed into Bay's manly armpit for 2½ hours...
...somehow missed Bay's first Transformers two summers ago. I'd like to think I magnanimously stepped aside to give some eager young male colleague the pleasure of reviewing it. Perhaps I feigned illness. Watching it on DVD this past week, I found it more fun than I expected, and loads better than the sequel. I even became almost fond of Bumblebee, the Autobot/Camaro who functions as Sam's pet and protector, even as the premise of vehicles morphing into robots continued to seem preposterous to me. But I had to admit, the conceit was also undeniably impressive...
...Which brings us to Mikaela (Megan Fox), Sam's polymer princess, whom Bay treats as if she were last month's Penthouse Pet, with a mixture of disdain and need. "You're hot, but you ain't so bright," one robot tells her, and you wonder if it is speaking the boss's mind. Later, it humps her leg. Throughout all this, Fox appears stoic, perhaps because she's concentrating on keeping her lips permanently parted and wet (she looks as if she's been interrupted in the midst of dining on lobster with drawn butter). Mikaela is worried about...