Word: bdsm
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Given the silence, measuring SM's popularity is not a precise business, especially since it blurs into the larger category of BDSM, or bondage-discipline-sadomasochism. A 1990 Kinsey Institute report said researchers estimate that 5% to 10% of Americans occasionally engage in SM sex. "The lighter end of BDSM is penetrating bedrooms across America. It's restraint on bedposts, it's spanking, it's fantasy play--and it's all fairly common," says Barnaby Barratt, president-elect of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. In his quarter-century of private practice as a therapist in southeastern...
...return to what serious SM-ers call "vanilla" sex. Others become more deeply involved in the SM scene; they use SM props or fantasies every time they have sex. The scene has become so large and varied that it encompasses the rich farrago of coupling practices known as BDSM, which includes not only SM--the erotic enjoyment of inflicting and/or receiving pain--but also BD (bondage/discipline) and DS (domination/submission). BD usually involves physical restraint and a punishment/reward setup (say, Nurse Ratched with a patient). DS relationships are often as emotional as they are carnal. Submissives relish transferring authority over aspects...
...better look at the riding crops and kangaroo-hide whips on display. If they looked closer, they would notice an intriguing sign in the window: "Play Rooms Available." For $115 an hour, customers can rent one of two dungeons to indulge any of their bondage, dominance and sadomasochism (BDSM) proclivities. "People come from Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, Australia, China - all over the world," says Decima, the store's 54-year-old British owner and the central matchmaker in a burgeoning community of Asian bondage seekers...
...build a community. I wanted it bright and open with nothing to hide." Composed and articulate, Decima sits with the rigid posture of a school-mistress, a remnant of her last job as a high-school drama teacher. Decima is, of course, a nom de guerre: she got into BDSM with her husband and, in her personal time, likes to be both dominant and submissive. But Decima will only be tied up by her spouse. "Giving up power for a certain period, if you're with the right person," she explains, "is a huge freedom...
...store does keep a list of "mistresses" for hire, who charge around $400 per hour. Robert, a 48-year-old financier in Hong Kong, found his current mistress during a chance meeting in the shop. Robert got into being dominated when he found he was bored with ordinary sex. "BDSM is not just about sex, it's more than that," he says. "There is never any sex between a professional dominatrix and a submissive. BDSM happens here." Robert points to his temple...