Word: bedpans
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...Public Health Service collected the last of 20,000 questionnaires in a massive study to find out what is wrong with U.S. hospitals. Sample gripes that patients and personnel in 55 hospitals were asked to check: "Thermometer left in too long"; "Bedpan was handled too noisily"; "Nurse was unfriendly." It will take at least three months to tabulate the vote on favorite gripes...
...born of disaster. General Motors' Buick, for years a notable success as the safe, sound and respectable "doctor's car," was in dire trouble. It had gone up in price, fallen behind in styling, grown fat and heavy (one model was inelegantly nicknamed the "pregnant Buick," the "bedpan Buick" and the "bathtub Buick"). When Depression struck, it hit Buick square in its middle-age spread, and Buick's share of the auto market dropped from more than 8% to 2.9%, a mere 43,809 cars. G.M. directors talked darkly of dropping Buick from the company, but Executive...
...What many a hospital patient has known for many years, that the bedpan is more trouble than it's worth, won official medical sanction. "It requires twice as much energy to use it as it does to walk to the bathroom," said Manhattan's Dr. Howard A. Rusk, rehabilitation expert. Also, taking a shower consumes four times as much energy as using...
Since the unveiling the rhinos have suffered a dull existence. The young men of the Ivy League who arrive periodically with cans of paint always head for John Harvard; as a matter of record no one has molested the beasts since the bedpan attempt was squelched. That is, not until the time last week a bio student dropped his box lunch on the steps, covering Victoria's big toe with egg salad...
...While it is obvious," the doctors conclude, "that the use of the bedpan causes psychological trauma, irritation and often resentment, the results of this study indicate that it is an unphysiological procedure from the standpoint of energy cost...