Word: bidets
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Dates: during 1960-1969
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Fielding's devotion to his charges is beyond question. He tells them how to beat the airlines out of excess baggage fees (stuff heavy articles into coat sleeves, tie knots in the 'sleeves, carry the coat) and introduces them to the wonders of the old-fashioned bidet (turn on the spray, balance a pingpong ball on it; the ball will stay there for hours). With the panicky provincialism of a country kid clutching his wallet pocket on Broadway, he continually cautions them to count their change in taxis, to drink only bottled beer in nightclubs ("Mickey Finns are far from...
...American tourists undergoing a special kind of American masochism called nine European countries in 18 days. What could have been a Grand Hotel on wheels swiftly degenerates into a bus of fools, overpopulated with drooling Babbitts and hatchet-faced moms. Humor centers around the foreign John with its mysterious bidet and its waxy toilet paper. A sleazy double-entendre occasionally surfaces, as when the tour guide observes that the cockney word for sausages is (smirk) bangers...
Fear of Panic. Inspired by this happy thought, Bojarsky set to work reading books about papermaking, visiting pulp factories on guided tours. Then, using a combination of rain water, cigarette paper and other wood fibers, he mixed his first batch of pulp in a secondhand bidet. Helas! The first sheet that he pressed looked "like a crepe suzette." Bojarsky persevered, made his first contribution to the wealth of society by passing one of his homemade franc notes in return for his Christmas chicken...
...scaly creatures did not confine itself to working hours. In a steamy Amazon town, Jean-Paul went out into the jungle one night and came back to the hotel with a dozen baby crocodiles, crept into rooms late at night and put a baby croc into everyone's bidet. Soon he had two baby leopards, four macaws, several adolescent crocodiles, a parrot and three snakes in his own room. Remembers the film's producer: "The crocodiles ate the birds. The leopards ate the crocodiles. The snakes died of starvation. The room stank like the bottom of some Amazonian...
Begin with a sauna bath. Even Charlton Heston likes saunas. Install a bidet in your bathroom. Love Tom Jones. Adore Barbra Streisand. Get a dress shirt with hundreds of layers of overlapping eyelet ruffles. When you are hostess, wear evening skirts. Serve baked marrow bones. Appear in your own hair, because wigs have had it. So has LSD. Don't wear mink anywhere but to bed (sable is safe enough elsewhere), and don't ever mention Cleopatra...