Word: billingham
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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What such research doesn't reveal, notes Robert Billingham, an Indiana University psychologist, is how many people try to reconnect and are rebuffed. Also, he adds, "those who think, 'Well, you've got bald and bloated,' tend not to write in." Not all reunion stories have a happy ending. The very thing that can make a match--the feeling that you already know each other--can be a snare, as Lisa Liken, 42, a Southern California drama teacher, found when she was e-mailed by a high school boyfriend living abroad. On a month-long trip home, he began living...
...These people," comments Billingham, "have made an unusual decision and need to justify it. 'Love made me do it,' they say, and everybody says, 'Ohhh.'" He warns about casual contacts. "If somebody is unhappily married and you e-mail them, you've made their marriage more complicated. If you're married and a divorced person gets in touch, have you now put your family at risk? It's a can of worms...
...Robert Billingham, professor of human and family studies at Indiana University at Bloomington, suggests instilling in children the idea that safety and comfort reside not in the physical space or the objects but in their connection to their family. While children are still at home, you can gently tell them, "A year or two after you graduate, we'll make this into an office...
...often not until grandchildren arrive that parents who had given up hope finally see the last boxes carted out the door. "When people begin to feel very secure in their lives," Billingham says, "they can feel O.K. snipping that final thread to home...
...truly mature personality that can integrate the past, the present and the future," noted Billingham on hearing White's story. "Now the daughter's future will be influenced by her mother's past. This is how the generations can influence one another, and these objects can be the conveyance. It's really a beautiful thing...