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...only bigot in the history of this soiled university. This university was built by people who hate people like us. Some people say things change, but Sacco and Vanzetti still sounds a lot like Chiappini and Bilotti to us. Oh, we’ve heard the jokes: “Hey, Linguini Breath,” they say, “are you going to put some Communion hosts on your host-eroni pizza?” Sadly, we do not cry marinara sauce, but real human tears...

Author: By Daniel K Bilotti and Vincent M Chiappini, CONTRIBUTING WRITERSS | Title: Prestige and Mobility: Macaroni Mascots | 3/12/2009 | See Source »

...indigenous bears, which Harvard could then domesticate and train, producing the next generation of TFs and Dorm Crew captains. 2. Harvard can also use the Allston expansion to address Harvard students’ lack of social skills. The centerpiece would be the “Chiappini and Bilotti Memorial Dining Hall Etiquette Institute.” Bilotti has already volunteered to teach the introductory course, “How to Get a Slice of Freaking Pizza Without Holding Up the Whole Goddamn Line, Jabroni,” followed by the advanced course, “Seriously, Don?...

Author: By Daniel K Bilotti and Vincent M Chiappini, CONTRIBUTING WRITERSS | Title: May We Stimulate Your Expansion? | 2/24/2009 | See Source »

...course, Chiappini had once stood on top of the world of investigative journalism as the New York Times’s society columnist for Teddy Bear Picnics. That was until Bilotti revealed that Chiappini had been writing laudatory articles in order to secure invitations to the most exclusive Teddy Bear Picnics. Needless to say, his funding...

Author: By Daniel K Bilotti and Vincent M Chiappini, CONTRIBUTING WRITERSS | Title: Harvard’s Hidden Economic Drain | 2/18/2009 | See Source »

This Thanksgiving break Bilotti had a problem: his family’s continued hatred. Although Chiappini’s family also hates Bilotti, they are closer to Harvard and don’t know about his pending arraignment for smuggling penguins (or was it people?) and thus Bilotti was welcomed into their house for the long weekend. So Prestige and Mobility chartered a train on Boston’s historic “Red Line” to Quincy Adams where a private car awaited to bring us to Chiappini manor. [1]After settling into our deluxe accommodations, we told...

Author: By Daniel K Bilotti and Vincent M Chiappini, CONTRIBUTING WRITERS | Title: Turkeys & Trifectas | 12/3/2008 | See Source »

...most likely a grad student at the Ed School, and is too busy drafting a Mad Minute or a word search to hear you cracking open that PBR. Also, you really can’t get in trouble for anything at our Ivory Tower. Remember that time Bilotti climbed to the top of Mem Church and started raining down chickwiches on a Justice TF attempting to hold section outside? [3] Neither does the Ad Board...

Author: By Daniel K Bilotti and Vincent M Chiappini, CONTRIBUTING WRITERSS | Title: Survival Facts for Frosh: Listen Up | 11/12/2008 | See Source »

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