Word: blondes
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...also gives him a weakness for the ladies. Once he becomes king, he marries Hrothgar's widow but keeps a younger blond (Alison Lohman) on the side. And in his showdown with Grendma, he's simply out of his shallows. She appears to him drenched in gold, with high-heeled feet and nipples pert enough to hang a horseshoe on. When her hand touches Beowulf's sword, it turns to water, even as his resolve melts away at her caress. Ulysses may have resisted the sirens, but Beowulf's self-regard leads him to think he can bed Grendma...
...film gets some stray buoyancy from John Michael Higgins, familiar from Arrested Development and the Christopher Guest improv comedies. ("Oh, he's always good.") Higgins plays Willie, the head elf, who's in love with a normal-size blond cutie and, after some romantic blind alleys, winds up with her. Parents are advised to ignore their more precocious kids' questions about how that little thing goes into that big thing. But they may have to tangle with workplace issues on the North Pole assembly line. Either the elves are making the generic toys (a bike, a sled, a dreidel) that...
...world as you can get in midtown Manhattan. In her corner office on the 43rd floor of the shimmering new Hearst Tower, Black, the president of Hearst Magazines, gazes through her floor-to-ceiling windows at Central Park to the north and the Hudson River to the west. Tall, blond, self-confident, Black has a style that's polished to a high gloss...
...Vegas had Liberace. Nashville, for more than a half-century, had Hall of Famer Porter Wagoner, the king of country glam. The Grand Ole Opry legend's blond pompadour and rhinestone suits made him a popular hitmaker (Green Green Grass of Home, Skid Row Joe) and influential ambassador, but he was best known for mentoring and performing with Dolly Parton, whom he launched on TV's syndicated 1960-79 Porter Wagoner Show. Last summer Wagoner made a national comeback with the critically acclaimed indie-album Wagonmaster. To promote it, he opened for rock's White Stripes, firing...
...into himself dressed as an old woman. Now we see why Scantlin’s been yelling the lyrics “schizophrenic psycho” over and over. Wes Scantlin is indeed a master of homage: Some would say he’s been imitating a certain deceased, blond-haired songwriter from Seattle for his entire career. This fact may explain why Puddle of Mudd’s tribute to horror movies is significantly more entertaining than the song itself. Still, that’s not saying much. —Jeff W. Feldman