Word: buchwalds
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...humor is probably the most humorous aspect of the entire situation." It has been that kind of oh-so-serious campaign, and even half a laugh is scarce in most reporters' copy. Fortunately, readers of the Times and other papers can resort to Columnists Russell Baker and Art Buchwald, who seem able to coax a smile and sometimes even a belly laugh out of the most somber events...
...Buchwald has been having a ball with the Watergate caper. Last week he fantasied a post-cease-fire briefing-as conducted by Washington's C.R.P. (Committee for the Re-Election of the President)-for Saigon politicos on how to win a Viet Nam reunification election: set up committees like "Viet Cong for Thieu," force special interests to contribute $10 million, protect donors' identity by routing contributions through Mexican banks, and send the money back to Saigon to buy "bugging equipment, miniature cameras, disappearing ink, forged letterheads-all the usual paraphernalia that anyone needs for a free and open...
Angry Voter. An earlier Buchwald effort dealt with C.R.P.'s Dirty Tricks Department. One Havelock M. Honeycomb reviews a list of shady tactics, then suggests darkly that C.R.P. even hired George McGovern on the sly to make campaign blunders that would widen Nixon's victory margin. After all, says Honeycomb of McGovern, "He is short of money." Another Buchwald column dealt with Nixonian schizophrenia and featured the New Nixon (Dickey) chewing out the Old Nixon (Tricky) for the Watergate bugging, while Tricky laments: "It was the only fun I've had in four years...
...While Buchwald mocks with broad burlesque, Baker approaches Campaign '72 in a whimsical fashion that is more serious and sometimes bitter. He describes his joy at being visited by a pollster, only to find that the survey concerns 1980; the present contest was settled in a sampling taken last July, and the 1976 election was decided only the previous week ("You'll be amazed," says the pollster, "how that one came out"). In another column, the average American voter is angry at being accosted by a candidate in a parking lot. "When my worst instincts are appealed...
When asked once what he thought the U.S. could do to end the war in Viet Nam, Humorist Art Buchwald replied: "Just fly a planeload of German and Japanese bankers to Hanoi, and let them explain to the North Vietnamese leaders what happens to a country that loses a war to the U.S." Buchwald's fancy has a solid underpinning in fact. Under the Marshall Plan and a similarly massive rebuilding program in Asia, West Germany and Japan have enjoyed dizzying industrial growth and have flooded the U.S. market with Nikons and Leicas, Sonys and Telefunkens, Toyotas and Volkswagens...