Word: budgetable
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...replace the shuttles with giant, multi-person bicycles, which must be pedaled by the students. Further cuts have required us to shorten the route of late night service during the weekend, and shuttles will now pick up students from a deserted alley near Cambridge Common. Due to budget cuts, the lighting in this area has been eliminated. We want to stress, though, that these cuts have freed up additional funding for brain break, and we have arranged for special brain breaks for the entryway of any students who are mugged...
...already aware that in order to begin to bridge the gap in the Harvard College Library budget, we have made the difficult decision to close the Quad Library. Additionally, to save money, Lamont Library will be limiting service to first-year students and to students living in the River Houses. Quad residents are encouraged to make use of the University’s many other libraries, before they are slowly phased out. An additional cost-cutting measure has forced us to convert Widener Library into a student center for graduate students...
...Under the new budget, the dining hall experience will change slightly. In addition to the elimination of hot breakfast, dinner will be just warm, and lunch will be tepid. In order to maximize the efficiency of the budget, all swipers will now be considered full-fledged concentration advisers, with full study-card signing rights. Rising food costs have forced us to severely reduce the menu options, most of which will now be based around plain bread. These cuts do not mean, of course, that we are prepared to compromise on accommodations, and students with special dietary needs are strongly encouraged...
...hardship this will mean for undergraduates, and we are all making sacrifices. For example, at a recent faculty meeting, the champagne was arguably subpar. As a symbol of our shared sacrifice, the statue of John Harvard will be meticulously chiseled down to a smaller size in proportion to the budget cut, at a cost of $2.6 million. Since improvements like this, and the amenities of Harvard life, do not come cheaply, we ask for your kind, tax-deductible donation...
...being one-on-one by the time you are a senior—tutorials in larger concentrations take more of a lecture-and-section format. You won’t find much in the way of small seminars in government or economics (especially with Harvard’s budget cutting...