Word: butters
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...mice in our farmhouse are can-do intellectuals - mice of action. My wife opened a kitchen cabinet the other day and caught two of them using their tiny, humanish hands to unscrew the top from a jar of Skippy 25% reduced fat chunky peanut butter. Two nights later, amazingly, they succeeded, and rewarded themselves with a mouse feast that left the peanut butter half gone and, all around the jar, a triumphant scattering of scats, which look like chocolate sprinkles...
...more civilized pleasures of canned Mexicorn, Bush's baked beans, and solid white, water-packed tuna. In a generation or two, smart young mice will have a system of pulleys that will open the refrigerator door in the middle of the night. God knows how a new infusion of butter, protein-rich cheese, yogurt, red-leaf lettuce, and V-8 juice will invigorate the breed and enlarge its cerebral cortex...
...cute if they carried bubonic plague. But these being glove-gray country mice that have skittered in from a Tom and Jerry cartoon, I root for their innocence and ingenuity. I am even mouse-proud. My mice are smarter than your mice! After the stunt with the Skippy peanut butter jar, I felt as they had gotten 800s on their SATs. These guys are good...
...despaired of the cats as hired assassins, we have resorted to a "Havahart" trap - a small rectangular steel cage, with doors at either end and bait in the middle, that captures the mouse alive. We have caught a mouse on each of the last two nights (baiting with peanut butter, of course). I come into the kitchen and find the little prodigy, eyes bright with terror, scrunched in a corner of the cage, under the flap door. It's possible that part of his unhappiness arises from humiliation at being fooled by such a childishly transparent device. He finally looks...
...that before long the mice in their growing colony of exile may organize a Restoration, and one day march back down the road to our farmhouse, and, in their thousands, reclaim what is theirs. After the revolution, they will set me to work in their kitchen, fixing them peanut butter sandwiches...