Word: buttsex
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...doing thesis research.” 12. When your friend’s mom comes for graduation, always gel your hair around her and insist on referring to her as Madame and bring her flowers and make vague comments to your friend about turning over a new leaf and buttsex. 13. Use, just once, a quotation from Thomas Jefferson to indignantly justify yourself to a professor or other authority figure. 14. Win a Purple Heart. 15. Use your Viking skills to score an entrance visa to Minnesota, and then take the dairy-creamery business by storm using wit and courage...
After maturely deciding not to have intercourse because they lacked a condom, Wallace MacTavish Edwards III ’05 and Slippery P. Slope ’06 elected for the medically validated prophylactic alternative: buttsex. However, dismissing pharmacists’ warnings in the heat of the moment, they decided to decongest her anal cavity with the most readily available viscous fluid in the room: DayQuil (non-drowsy). Slope’s subsequent allergic reaction and rectal hemorrhage, deposited timeless proof of the law of unintended consequences all over the bed—which, fortunately for Slope, belonged...
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