Word: carb
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...Group, a market-research firm. The embattled makers of Bumble Bee, StarKist and Chicken of the Sea--which account for 85% of the tuna sold in the U.S.--are fighting back with plans for a marketing campaign that will spotlight the nutritional benefits of the low-fat, no-carb and omega-3-rich seafood. Test runs of TV and radio commercials in Pittsburgh, Pa., and St. Louis, Mo., for the proposed "Tuna. Smart catch" campaign last year temporarily boosted sales with their implied message that you can have your tuna and eat it too--safely. The ads omitted the neurotoxin...
...felt relief and a sense of justice when Atkins Nutritionals, which makes more than 50 low-carb products and 100 nutritional supplements and no grammatical sense, announced that it is $300 million in debt and has filed for bankruptcy. Over the past year, the company has fallen apart as the country went from having 9% of its citizens on a low-carb diet to having 2%. I knew the Atkins plan was doomed when a diet designed to let you indulge in Lardcicles was losing its willpower and selling people low-carb versions of the rolls and bagels...
...love the thought that Atkins acolytes will no longer be smarmily drinking their ridiculous low-carb wine and chastely munching on low-carb Doritos, because I have suffered through their unrequested speeches about ketosis that don't make any sense. You know what happens "on a cellular level" when you eat that junk? You get a lot more cells. It had got so dire that I had taken to eating carbs at restaurants as a punk gesture of rebellion, dipping mashed-potato sandwiches in granulated sugar and inventing something I call Cake-Ravioli Cereal, which, if I can ever figure...
...hatred of low-carb diets is somewhat surprising since in 1995 I managed to lose 25 lbs. in six weeks for a magazine article, in part as a result of a low-carb diet, and never put it back on. Plus, I met my wife because she saw my well-lit photos in that story. I'm not entirely sure what a diet would have to do to impress me, but I think it would involve some of that sweet, light-headed Trimspa giddiness that makes Anna Nicole Smith so crack happy...
...Taste-wise, it's strikingly smooth: 3 Vodka goes with all the usual cocktails and mixers, but you can also sip it straight without that burning kick. There's another plus: 3 Vodka is carb-free (unlike its grain-based rivals). Just the thing to get the taste of that tofu burger out of your mouth...