Word: cards
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Dates: during 1970-1979
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Remember the "good ole days," when Valentine's Day meant a half-dozen roses, bittersweet chocolates, a singing telegram and a mushy card bordered by heart-shaped doilies? Goodbye to all that...
...anyone who has read his way along our nation's highways knows, Hallmark Invented Love. Now I don't doubt that a big greeting card corporation invented love--hell, it's general knowledge that Sears Roebuck invented Christmas and that A&P invented the Puritan Work Ethic we are all so thankful for. Despite these precedents, however, I suspect Hallmark has a prurient interest in this thing it calls LOVE...
Having no expert to call on (they must all be out LOVING today) I'll just hazard my own guess: Hallmark's LOVE was conceived on a Manhattan subway car by a fat, bald, 35-year-old greeting card writer with thick glasses, a perspiring brow, a poster of Cheryl Tiegs on his closet door and a conscience burdened by the same aboriginal sins Alexander Portnoy complained about. In other words, the Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but somebody is trying to pervert Valentine...
...have sent my sister that card about bringing along a buddy. She asked me to invite a lacrosse player to the house sometime--but now she'll think I invited the whole team...
...even if Hallmarkian LOVE on Valentine's Day means losing all my friends and going to prison for sending obscene materials through the mails, at least my father will get the appropriate card. I know it is not a mistake because I just bought it at Cahaly's. It reads...