Word: carefully
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...have never determined whether anyone would live or die, which I consider a gaping hole in my résumé. So when I heard a rumor that the government was creating a death panel to determine which sick people get to receive medical care, I knew...
...panel, we will handle all forms of medicine, including plastic surgery. Michelle Pfeiffer and Demi Moore, yes; Joan Rivers, no. And while there will be a lot fewer MRIs covered, hair-waxing will be free. We will be able to afford that because much of the cost of health care will be offset by selling the television rights to our panel. If ratings lag, I am fully prepared to appoint Paula Abdul, although I'm aware that this might raise our prescription-drug costs. (See pictures of facial yoga...
...main challenge in setting up the panel will be getting the public to accept that there's a limited amount of health care to ration. To figure out my marketing plan, I called an Eskimo, since everyone thinks Eskimo are adorable despite the fact that they sent old people out to sea on ice floes. If we tried that instead of sending them to Florida, people would hate the Jews even more...
...pictures of health care protesters on LIFE.com...
...Instead, culture may be more of a determinant than race. Williams explained: “If you look at West Indian Americans, they are slightly more represented among professionals than Americans in general—yet they were enslaved. Does a racist employer care whether an African-American’s ancestors came from the West Indies...