Word: cassandras
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Dates: during 2010-2019
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When I told my lovely wife Cassandra I'd be electronically disappearing, she liked the idea so much, she decided to do it too. "We'll make love by candlelight," she said. I was already changing my mind about this idea's being stupid. (See the best travel gadgets...
...writing, in case I needed to work on it. I clearly have lost all understanding of how long 24 hours is. And of the fact that I would never write anything longer than my name with a pen. A few minutes later, our babysitter showed up, and Cassandra and I headed off to dinner. We were 11 minutes into our experiment when, sitting in traffic, Cassandra suggested we call the restaurant to tell them we'd be late. Then she started singing Lady Gaga songs a cappella. Then she came up with a Twitter joke she wanted me to memorize...
...called Joanna Mountain, Ph.D., 23andMe's senior director of research, so she could teach me how to brag more effectively. Mountain explained that Cassandra and I had each contributed an equal number of chromosomes to Laszlo's genome but that I possibly had a greater influence on the 583,000 genetic markers that 23andMe has decided are more significant...
...assumed I was genetically gifted, since occasionally I'm asked to be on television. But it so happens that because of me, Laszlo has an increased chance of suffering macular degeneration and psoriasis. And while Cassandra's genetic marker for nonverbal IQ is three points higher than average, Laszlo and I are just normal. "We're starting to get a sense of who's to blame," said Mountain...
Feeling guilty, I asked Cassandra if she would have never married me if, on our first date, she had collected my spit in a more scientific manner than she did. But Cassandra said she likes that I have different genes, arguing that when, for instance, Jews procreate with other Jews, they increase their kids' risk for breast cancer and Tay-Sachs. "I always wanted to procreate with someone outside my gene pool because I think you get a more beautiful and genetically superior baby," she said. "I was hoping for a black guy, but I got a Jew." Right then...