Word: cassandras
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Dates: during 2010-2019
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Being the Cassandra in a scandal is no fun. At least give the author a starring role in the Madoff movie...
...those people who sit around rooting for product recalls. That's because those people don't exist. But I got excited when Toyota recalled the 2010 Prius. It's not that I dislike the Prius. My lovely wife Cassandra has one, and it is an excellent vehicle. Except for its need to constantly tell you how excellent it is. There's a screen in the center of the dashboard with an animation that shows how much energy the car is recycling as you drive it. If one of your employees were really efficient but throughout the day kept standing...
When we moved to Los Angeles five years ago, Cassandra bought her first car ever - a totally badass 2005 black Ford Mustang with silver stripes. She looked like Starsky, if Starsky were hot and a woman and drove really nervously. The only bad thing about the car was that she spent a lot of time talking to young Mexican men at traffic lights. But two years ago, she inexplicably decided that she didn't trust Ford and wanted to get rid of the car before something went wrong. So she bought a used Prius - which now has something wrong with...
...Priuses. On Friday, I was shocked when a friend came over to dinner and he wasn't driving a Prius. It turned out he was driving his converted 1980s Mercedes that runs on vegetable oil and had left his wife's Prius at home. Nearly every time we drive Cassandra's metallic-green Prius, at some point we are either behind or in front of another metallic-green Prius. There are three Priuses on my tiny cul-de-sac. If this brake problem isn't repaired quickly, my neighborhood is about to be jammed up by some ugly Prius...
...soon as you begin to talk, I feel trapped and desperately scan the room for tasks I can do to justify the enormous waste of time that is your talking. I wash dishes, I file receipts, I read news sites, I make little fake suicide faces to my wife Cassandra about how much I want to hang up that cause her to yell "Joel, I need you now" in a really unconvincing way that I've asked her not to do, but I still can't stop making the suicide faces. In desperate times, when I am on my cell...