Word: catapultic
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...user-friendly tradition with the most potential to catch on had nothing to do with nudity, beer or the Charles. Justin Pasquariello '01 suggests that first-years "catapult tofu with a spoon from either balcony of Annenberg onto someone below. But, it doesn't count unless you hit someone...
First on the list is an improvement in transportation: the Quad/Yard catapult system. The catapults, one in Harvard Yard and one on the Quad grass, would be large, relatively cheap to build and operated by engineering and physics graduate students who pass an accuracy test...
Students who need to get from one launching site to another when no shuttle is waiting would be strapped into the catapult while adjustments were made for wind, weather and any buildings recently constructed on the flight path. If all goes well, the student would then be flung over half of Cambridge to his or her destination, landing in a thirty-foot-wide catcher's mitt specially constructed near the other catapult. In addition to their regular duties, for the betterment of Quad-river relations, the catapult operators would be allowed to seize any river-dwelling student who is heard...
Also, in a much-needed move to fight Quad stereotypes, the catapult operators would be required to grab any Quadling who came to breakfast wearing inappropriate clothing (including, but not limited to, nightgowns, obvious pajamas, bathrobes and spandex-based ensembles) and hurl them into Connecticut...
After the catapult is constructed, the next bonus for those assigned to the Quad should be a Quad Beverage Geyser. This would be an enormous underground beverage reservoir underneath the grass of the Quad, which once every week would erupt like Old Faithful. Quadlings could then gather in front of their dorms with buckets and cups and catch the beverage-of-the-week as it falls. Certain landscaping difficulties could result--Jim Beam Week would probably kill all the grass, and Orange Tang week would leave a stain that could be seen from space--but these are minor difficulties that...