Word: cereality
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...frosty Indiana morning last week. Farmer Warren North, 45, rolled out of bed to get at his chores. After a hearty breakfast (orange juice, cereal, bacon and eggs), he left his twelve-room white frame and fieldstone house, walked briskly to the barnyard. In the early morning mist the low-lying white barn, surmounted by five giant blue-black silos, rode the frozen prairie like an ocean liner. Like a rumble of surf came the hungry bellowing of 400 white-faced Herefords and the grunting of 500 Hampshire hogs, waiting at row on row of troughs...
...dazedly the neighborhood was left to fathom the unfathomable. Dead was Joseph Modica, 9, who was almost through making a Christmas present for his family out of letters cut from a cereal box and glued onto a backing. It read...
...remember Sergeant Preston and his dog King, "On King! On you huskies!", brought to us by Quaker Oats, the cereal shot from guns. We remember the sidekicks: Vic, Tank Tinker, Jim and Penny and Clipper. We remember the villains; the Gray Ghost, Dr. Martelli, the secret agents with German accents, who called one another Klaus and Fritz and Karl. There were, of course, comic books, and we are not unfamiliar with Superman, Batman and Robin, or the Plastic Man. But mostly we listened, and imagined...
...meat packers such as Swift (Pard) and Armour (Dash), who first hesitated out of fear that human customers might object, the market proved richer by the year. They stressed the idea of an unvarying diet with a single inclusive food (mostly beef-based, cereal-fortified), crusaded for better dog nutrition. They had an irrefutable pitch: dogs that once brought stags to bay need a different diet because they are now slothful city dwellers that ride in taxicabs, get taken to fancy French restaurants, loll around hot apartments watching television...
...Editorial Board demands only that its candidates be versatile, opinionated and articulate. From its influential columns you can subtly manipulate the opinions of the paper's 10,000 readers, while, unsuspecting, they eat their cold cereal. Nor is this all, for when the Editorial Board frowns theatres close, statesmen tumble, and deans resign...