Word: chainsaws
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...decades, horror movies have been R-rated snuff cartoons with severed limbs and buckets of blood. The Freddy and Jason films and the Chainsaw Massacres appeal to the connoisseurs of special-effects gore. Every item is laid out for you to see, like the carcasses in a butcher's window...
...microphone. Bennett is actually a car salesman--not just any car salesman, mind you, but the Slasher. Hired by local car lots--at $12,000 a pop--he flies across the country to set up inventory-clearing extravaganzas, his arrival heralded by obnoxious radio commercials. ("Armed with a savings chainsaw! Slicing high prices!") Like an itinerant evangelist, he rolls into town, sets up his tent and spends 72 hours infusing the customers with the fiery spirit of automobilism...
...singular. All y'all is plural.") Once on the scene, though, the Slasher--a wiry, nervous guy, like Billy Bob Thornton with Tom Waits' rasp--thrums like a racing engine. "This is a show to me," he says, "not a sale." He struts around the lot wielding a toy chainsaw. There are pretty showgirls, a DJ and the "$88 car." (Find that unmarked beater, discounted from $1,695, and you get to take it home for fourscore and change...
...know that he favors bologna sandwiches.) Furthermore, John Kerry speaks fluent French. It is no accident that a White House staffer once said, "He looks French." The Heinz Kerrys hang out on Nantucket and in Sun Valley, Idaho. They don't own a ranch or cut scrub with a chainsaw. He often shows up at Davos. He went to a fancy private school in Switzerland. He and Teresa met at a global-warming conference, for God's sake! He wears pastel Hermes ties--a pink one at his Wisconsin victory celebration. And this guy calls himself an American...
...second album, Culture For Pigeon, as well as the first Tracy and the Plastics DVD, will soon be released on Chainsaw Records...