Word: chimney
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Last night, getting a jump on the weekend, I headed out in pursuit of a party. Sniffing for scents of beer beneath the chimney smoke, I observed a familiar November sight: tuxedoed men walking briskly arm and arm. 'Tis the season of the Great Final Dinners. Yes, it's the time I always await; the final round of punching for the institution of which I am most proud: final clubs. So I made some small talk. I straightened a tie. I offered a stick of gum. And I confirmed that they all had sexy girls coming to meet them after...
Instead of leaving through the chimney, smoke escaped from the fireplace and set off the fire alarm at approximately...
...sounds odd--is Bill Clinton. But if you could see this haunted house, you would note how sad and uncomfortable it makes you feel. The place is destroyed and not destroyed; it is both the ghost and the living thing. Its overgrown lawn is as thick as thatch. Its chimney tips like a cocked hat. At dusk its side wall, blasted by the dying autumn light, shows in a fierce and pathetic white--a burn victim in a sheet...
...with 'Hail, Satan'"). In a family of noisy eaters, he is perhaps the loudest, at least in decibel-to-kilogram ratio. He has a few weaknesses: exposing his buttocks, sassing his father, making prank calls to Moe's Tavern ("Is Oliver there? Oliver Clothesoff?") and speaking like a Cockney chimney sweep. One of the few trophies on his bedroom shelf is labeled EVERYBODY GETS A TROPHY...
Suddenly, after the puzzling signals began to billow [from the Sistine Chapel chimney], the Vatican's ranking Cardinal-deacon in the Sacred College, appeared at the Window of the Benediction in St. Peter's Basilica. His Latin words boomed out over loudspeakers: "Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum. Habemus Papam!" (I announce to you a great joy. We have a Pope!) "He is the Most Eminent and Most Reverend Lord Cardinal Albino Luciani, who has taken the name of John Paul the First...