Word: clauses
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There is one sure test of the relative success of U.S. pacification efforts in Viet Nam: Will the brass let Bob Hope sleep there? Apparently not. The U.S.O.'s perennial Santa Claus, now on his 19th Christmas tour, is whisked away each night to the Erawan Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand. Though Terence Cardinal Cooke and other distinguished visitors have been billeted in Viet Nam this year and Bob himself insists that the Bangkok base is just "cheaper and easier," it seems that morale-conscious headquarters will never risk the loss of Hope if they can help...
Scrooge Is Alive. That seemed innocuous enough, but the principal of one school interpreted the word "symbolic" to mean that he should ban any references whatsoever to Christmas. He sent teachers a memo forbidding not only carols and trees but gifts and Santa Claus as well. In protest, outraged fathers marched around Coleman's home at night carrying Santa balloons, and 50 children picketed an emergency meeting of the school board. They carried signs reading SCROOGE IS ALIVE AND WELL IN MARBLEHEAD and SANTA HAS DONE NO WRONG-DONT SUSPEND HIM FROM SCHOOL...
...offend." He ticked off a list of the recently alienated: farmers (by the ban on DDT), the overweight (by the ban on cyclamates) and sportsmen (by the impounding of Lake Michigan coho salmon last spring). "The first problem we have," said Finch, "is 40,000 inflammable Santa Clauses. I guess HEW will be known as the department that killed Santa Claus...
...last week. So, he said: "We will save our suckling pig and Christmas Eve beans, Bacardi rum and beer for July." What if the 1970 harvest falls short, as outside experts predict? Who knows? Perhaps in that case the Bearded One will hold off the other bearded one, Santa Claus, a while longer...
...never melt at the zoo. I feel the same rigid depression as I did one Christmas in New York City when I had 75 cents in my pocket. I kept passing Salvation Army Bands and Santa Clauses and gave to each one until the money ran out. And then I had to walk ten more blocks and mumble "no money" to each Claus. In the same way, there are too many animals...