Word: colorations
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...vengeful FTC apparently spent the next half-decade sublimating in a 60-page report with all the appalled earnestness of a freshman college paper, only with really nice 3-D color charts. At one point it reads: "An ad for a product made from ground-up shells of shrimps, crabs and lobster asks, 'Have you ever seen an overweight fish?'... In fact there is no convincing evidence that the shells of shrimps, crabs or lobsters cause weight loss." Not only that, but, as I accidentally proved in third grade, you can indeed get a fish so fat that it will...
...leaves start to change color during these first official days of autumn, many high schools seniors have already begun applying to college. Unfortunately, both Brown and Princeton Universities are going out of their way to make the process more stressful than...
Yellow is clearly this season’s color of choice, but the normally cheery hue takes on gruesome overtones in this ill-conceived ad. The poster’s central image of a black Jewish star on a solid yellow background cannot help but evoke memories of the dreaded armbands worn by Jews in Nazi-era Europe. Such associations must surely have been unintended by the “Harvard Students for Israel,” but the comp ad’s blazing slogan gives the thoughtful viewer pause. Did the Zionist organization mean to make light...
...security reforms enacted after Sept. 11, this color coded threat scale is by far the most idiotic. Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge unveiled the system back in March to better inform the public at large of terror risks. The scale—which indicates risk on a spectrum of green, blue, yellow, orange, and red—aside from being quickly disregarded by 99.9 percent of this country, contains no useful information concerning how to behave under particular alerts. Even the law enforcement community is perplexed...
Nonetheless, in the spirit of creating meaningless classification systems for the purpose of convincing voters the administration has been doing something (besides trying to invade Iraq, of course), I would like to propose that the Bushies create a color coded system for indicating the status of a) the economy, b) corporate scandals, c) social security and d) public education. With any luck, by 2004 voters won’t see anything...