Word: concertized
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...Coming in to Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, I knew nothing about the guitar-popsters except that they wear promise rings and the middle one is cute. But I didn't begrudge what tween America feels for the group, because I do know this: Kids need to love things. And when they find something, they love it to pieces. The world is so fresh, their attention so intense, that any object they fix on - a toy, a TV show, the Harry Potter books, a new friend - becomes an object of the deepest, most transporting obsession, the purest form...
...More than 40 years after Walt's death, his successors at the Disney Channel haven't forgotten how to fashion/manipulate/stoke/corrupt/enhance the young imagination. They've made culture-spanning franchises of High School Musical, Hannah Montana and the Jonases: on TV and CDs, in concert and on the movie screen. Early box office returns for the Jonas boys' movie indicate they're not yet in the Miley Cyrus empyrean. JB 3D, which analysts had said would gross $30-40 million, took in just $4.8 million on Friday, for a projected $15-18 million weekend total. Compare that with the Hannah Montana/Miley...
...Jonases' names and ages - because I can recall another pop band that had a little impact. Back in 1964, the Beatles made the same four-media triumph in the U.S.: on records, on The Ed Sullivan Show, with their film A Hard Day's Night and on an American concert tour. When I caught them, in Philadelphia's Town Hall (honest, I was an infant back then), they could have been a mime troupe, so helpless was their music against the sonic shield of the audience's screams...
...their fans, some of whom "waited 72 hours in the rain" for tickets to the Madison Square Garden concert that is the movie's centerpiece. They reach across police barriers for a healing touch from the god-boys. (The 3D effects, which include the flinging of sunglasses, guitar picks and other sacred relics into the crowd, are meant to bring the Brothers this close to their young viewers.) Throughout, the tone is hopeful, exuberant; if the crowd included desperate stalker girls, you can bet they were edited out. In a way, the fans are as knowledgeable about their role...
...concert's big special effect, when the brothers pick up large hoses, hold them at their waists and - I'm not making this up, ask anybody - squirt jismatic spumes of white gooey stuff into the audience. The Jonases may have vowed to remain virgins till marriage, but they can have simulated sex with the girleens in the Garden. And the fans can end the evening feeling both clean and sticky...