Word: cools
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Dates: during 1970-1979
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Maybe I should develop some of these points more fully. Like the Firebird. Not only is it a cool car, but just check out the things he does with it. He's probably the best driver on television, and definitely the coolest. Every time I try to throw my Gremlin into a spin instead of doing a three-point turn it stalls. Rockford wouldn't be caught dead in a Gremlin...
...Rockford is the coolest. Bar none. I mean, he wears polyester jackets, he drives a Firebird, he gets $200 a day plus expenses, plus the girl, generally. He dates girls who are smarter than he is, a very cool thing to do. Lately he has been dating Beth, a lawyer. Rockford could never be a lawyer--his degree is from the College of Hard Knocks. And his LSAT score was 417, anyway...
There is probably no cooler place to live than a trailer home, which is where Rockford lives. With his father, Rocky, a superannuated geezer who isn't too cool but has a cool pickup truck. Rockford hates getting into fights, but when he does he always hurts his hand. Always. And he always gets punched in the gut. Rockford makes great use of his Phone-Mate, both in a practical way and as a motif for his show. All this is so so cool, so unbelievably cool. His best friends are Angel, an Hispanic con man, and Dennis, a policeman...
This isn't the Saturday night Rockford, you understand--that one's a clone, albeit a very cool clone. This is the Late Night Rockford, on Monday and Wednesday nights at 11:30 on Channel 7. At midnight, when you're coaxing those last twelve drops out of a half-gallon of Jim Beam, Rockford can become an objective correlative of your internal landscape. A very cool objective correlative...
Geoff Stiles, a cool competitor who makes few miscalculations, proved himself wrong Saturday...