Word: covenanted
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...needed a good laugh. But I got hardly a giggle from "JCVH," the first kungfu-lesbian-horror-Mexican-wrestling musical comedy. (Could there be a second?) The premise, from screenwriter Ian Driscoll, is piquant: Jesus H. Christ joins forces with a priest to rid Ottawa of a vampire coven. He's an activist Savior ("If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope") who kicks beaucoup d'ass. He's closer to a standard Mel Gibson hero than to the hero of the new Mel Gibson movie. But the comedy is slack, the song lyrics feeble, the pace...
...know what you’re thinking: not another flick about an American ballerina who goes to an international dancing school only to discover it is a witches coven! But turn those frowns upside down boys and girls, because this is a slasher flick from none other than Dario Argento, a.k.a. The Man who Gives Wes Craven and John Carpenter nightmares. The defining element of Argento’s films is a crazily inventive visual palette. The colors are so beautiful that the grizzly dismemberment attains a certain gloriousness. After seeing a movie like this, run-of-the mill horror...
...backed away from the comments; in fact, they are reprinted in an updated, 1999 version of Revelation. Many argue with LaHaye's conception of God and heaven, but it is his views about this world that set him apart. He believes, for instance, that witchcraft is real, citing a coven of witches "outside Milwaukee" that sends its members to churches and confuses the pastors with spells. Similarly, he has written about a "secret order" called the Illuminati that has carried out a "conspiracy on the church, our government, media, and the public schools" for more than 300 years. His book...
...expects to have its recount completed in time, but an eager Palm Beach, Dade and others are waiting in the wings.) And then it's our problem too - a hand recount in Palm Beach or Dade could take weeks, and easily run up against that December 18 electoral college coven. And at that point things get much, much weirder...
...Reasons to comp Tampoon: Do you, too, rage with penis envy? Are you crafty with genital wart yuckyucks? If so, join this coven of PMSing lethal-femmes...