Word: cow
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...HOLY COW! NOW I'VE HEARD EVERYthing--whining on the range by socialist cowboys who want more subsidies and no interference, thank you [COVER STORIES, Oct. 23]. Gimme a break! These ranchers get dirt-cheap grazing on public land. They get assistance on water tanks, fences and brush control, and they get help from the Agriculture Department. And then they scream about how much they hate Big Government. Sorry, folks, but it's time the free market was introduced into the West. Why should environmental groups be excluded from bidding on grazing rights? Open up the process...
...fiddlehead fern, was discovered too late for us; bales of burdock wouldn't make us a minute younger. In the pasture, where our burdock grows, Holsteins recline, chewing their cud. Cud is food previously eaten, then regurgitated into the mouth for further chewing. This is how a cow's digestive system works, how we get milk. A Holstein lies in the pasture, eating vomit, thinking about her career...
Holsteins are hardworking Danish cows who make it possible for well-disciplined families to earn a living from ground not good enough to grow corn or soybeans. Dairying is not a sentimental line of work, however, and a cow's productivity chart hangs by the stall where she can see it: she knows that when her output declines she's dead meat; retraining will not be an option. Dogs and cats, when hunting became too hard, retrained as house pets, but a large hoofy animal that chews its own vomit will never be welcome in the American home...
...good company. The Left media--both on this campus and throughout the nation--were strangely silent about Minister Farrakhan's homophobia and his vicious racism. Only his decision to exclude women from the march elicited any indignance whatsoever. Bracketing is what happens when a great big sacred cow--in this case, race--comes up against a mere sacred calf--lets say, sexuality. The Left gets so completely caught up in the worship of the former that they forget about the latter...
...drowning Buster every five minutes. And the Southern belle in The General nearly loses the Civil War three years early. Exasperated by her "helpfulness," he impulsively throttles her, then kisses her, then returns to the job at hand. Of all Keaton's females, only one stole his heart: the cow Brown Eyes in Go West...