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Faulkner seems to have custom-penned this piece of blithe, bopping banality for the California girl-group; he should have donated it to them outright. His shouting vocals don't belong on the same song as their syrupy harmonies, and the Bangles certainly don't belong on the Hoodoo Gurus' album...

Author: By Gary L. Susman, | Title: Hoodoo You Love | 4/30/1987 | See Source »

...scandal of 1638. Although details remain hazy, the affair appears to have involved some back-dated checks passed by an undergraduate posing as the school's founder. Modern historians do not know for sure how the culprit was formally tried, but presume that justice was meted according to the custom of the day: the accused met behind closed doors with his adviser, his house tutor, and five members of the faculty, and then was thrown down a well to see if he could float...

Author: By Rutger Fury, | Title: Bored of Justice | 4/25/1987 | See Source »

Respectable pimps were forced by the law to wander as outcasts, calling out their wares nervously as they paced the lonely city streets: "Pot. Coke, Watches, Babies, Mescaline..." Customers interested in procuring a baby followed the pimps to dark abandoned buildings where lines of women waited to be chosen according to the specific genetic qualities desired by patrons. Customers indicated their choice, left a little sperm, and returned nine months later to pick-up their custom-made babies from the pimp...

Author: By Eric Pulier, | Title: Cabbage Patch Currency | 4/16/1987 | See Source »

...computers, part of a family known as Personal System/2, range in price from $2,065 for the desktop Model 30 to $13,300 for the fully equipped Model 80. All are packed with advanced, IBM-designed technology, from the custom- made chips that replace plug-in cards to an optional laser disk that can hold 800,000 pages of text. But the basic components -- the microprocessors, floppy disks and operating system -- are made of readily available, off-the- shelf parts, which should make it relatively easy for other firms to legally reproduce the new machines...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Computers: Into The Wild Blue Yonder | 4/13/1987 | See Source »

EVERY YEAR at this time it is my custom to present the annual Rutger Fury "Humans on Parade" Achievement Awards. These awards are given to those college juniors who show exceptional achievement in social, political, athletic and academic spheres while not being geebs about it, or who are just cool in general...

Author: By Rutger Fury, | Title: The Rutger Awards | 4/11/1987 | See Source »

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