Word: dad
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...moms are actually blocking their husbands' attempts at involved fathering. These "Gatekeeper Moms" give mixed signals - they beg their husbands to get the kid dressed, then are hypercritical over the choice of outfit he puts the baby in. They leave long lists of instructions whenever going out, as if Dad's a new babysitter. Or they demand their husbands tackle half the duties, yet they resent it when Dad asks to be an equal partner in critical decisions, such as determining when their baby should undergo sleep training rather than be fed during the night...
...That's what men said when women wanted to fly fighter jets," responded one new dad...
...result is often like a boss-employee relationship. Mom does at least half the grunt work, and she handles all of the scheduling and planning. She's the boss, and when she delegates to her employee she wants Dad to do it her way (and only her way). "I would love to share all those decisions," an admitted Gatekeeper Mom told us. "But when I'm overwhelmed with all that's to be done, it's just easier to go into autocratic mode rather than sit and discuss everything with my husband. There's simply no time for that...
...infamous among sociologists for cherry-picking the fun parts of parenting. Dad will leave work early to see a child's play, but he'd never consider leaving early just to get the laundry done. So every time Dad ignores the smell of a No. 2 diaper, he confirms his wife's fear that he's not reliable. Unwittingly, men are hinting to their spouses that she's ultimately responsible, while he's along for the ride. The social culture constantly reinforces this idea. When their daughter shows up at school with tangled hair, the other moms don't blame...
...sessions with Thompson, her secret history began to unfold. She admitted the knife image followed Noah's birth but refused to say who was hurt in the vision. She tried to change the subject. She had been depressed twice in her life--after her dad's heart attack and the "failed relationship" before she met Rusty. How, asked Thompson, would she describe the old Andrea? "A little more outgoing. More cheerful. More helpful. More patient. Not so self-centered...