Word: damsel
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During the duel, Jane rushes to the field—with her normally pinned-back hair streaming picturesquely in the wind, of course—to tell Simon that her guardian botched up his suicide. Enter the damsel in distress...
...Robert and George Montgomery, by James Garner and James Caan, but Bogie did it best in Howard Hawks' 1946 version of a novel whose plot was so labyrinthine, even Chandler couldn't say who killed the chauffeur. There's also Bogie's Baby, Lauren Bacall, as the distressing damsel, and a trunkload of noir atmospherics...
...which both Abigail (who thinks Gates is talking to her) and Riley reply, “I will.” Laughter ensues. In this moment and others the film so badly wants to supply Abigail with some sort of useful masculine agency. Unsurprisingly, she becomes a damsel in distress soon enough, and Cage pumps up the virility. Riley, of course, is left on the sidelines as a site of emasculation and phallic failure. The end of the film affirms these yawn-inducing gender politics when Riley complains that he only got a tiny bit of the reward because Gates...
...filmgoers, skip this one. You’ll regret seeing it. And if you want to see it, just wait until it gets to Lifetime, if it’s even good enough to make the rigorous damsel-in-peril screening process...
...that Bloom is one of the hottest talents in the business. In Pirates he plays Will Turner, who, with his olive skin and wispy goatee, must be the best-looking swordsmith in the West Indies. Fueled by love, Turner sets out with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) to rescue damsel-in-corseted-distress Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) from dastardly pirate Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). When you watch Bloom parrying onscreen, you see shades of pirate-movie icon Errol Flynn - a natural. But Bloom was actually the last lead to be cast. "We really needed somebody who could hold...