Word: dartboardã
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Take the other night. Dartboard??€™s bag has more than a few pockets that he could use to smuggle Harvard’s copy of the Gutenberg Bible past the guard at the checking counter. Does the guard spend the time unzipping every zipper and feeling through every nook and cranny of Dartboard??€™s bag? Of course not: There’s already a line forming behind Dartboard and a quick glance will do. Dartboard could have had the lost continent of Gondwanaland hidden under his laptop and Security Service Incorporated’s trained professional...
...last weekend, there was something different. In the bit part of a cartooned academic involved in some brand of undead madness was the spitting two-dimensional image of Baird Professor of Science Dudley R. Herschbach. The chemist’s role was fleeting, but the impression it left in Dartboard??€™s supple mind was far more than the usual comedic glow produced by such a program...
...course, the twinned eviscerations of Hilles Library and the QRAC were only the latest in a long string of indignities visited upon Dartboard since his kicking, screaming Quadding last March. Dartboard??€™s very means of escape from the erstwhile Radcliffe dorms is an existential insult: the Khruschevan reminiscence that is the Shuttle. Confronted each morning by the Shuttle’s dingy used-to-be-crimson paint job and dimly-lit interior, Dartboard has started to feel like a washed-up actor who, on an agent’s bad advice, has taken on an interminably recurring guest...
...she’s afforded that invaluable position in which she becomes privy to everyone’s most scandalous indiscretions. It’s like being the lens of Fifteen Minutes’ famous debauchery-seeking camera—only this naughty evidence is easily filed away into Dartboard??€™s mental databank of party-fouls...
Dartboard is sure that most Harvard students have been in her friends’ position—groggily trying to peace together the night before. But what most people here, Dartboard??€™s friends included, seem not to understand is that little of what happens at Harvard is really truly debaucherous. Despite FM’s best efforts, Harvard is no UMass when it comes to heinous hookups. This is just another one of those times when Harvard students take themselves too seriously. But Dartboard decided not to clue her friends in—after all, the morning-after...