Word: dartboard
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...Dartboard often finds herself wondering when television became such a lascivious and depraved—if evermore entertaining—device. Thinking back, she can’t remember a single instance of true lewdness between Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski, though a few hot scenes might’ve made her weekday afternoons a bit more interesting. Nor does Dartboard remember Tiny Toons spouting off lines like “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but you’re a total bitch,” as was once announced by the lovable Stewie...
...Justin Timberlake. The two were performing during half-time and Timberlake got gropy mid-routine, ripping at Jackson’s jacket—and revealing the singer’s right breast. (Timberlake deemed the mistake a “wardrobe malfunction,” but while Dartboard agrees that Timberlake is a complete dolt, his incoherence doesn’t warrant such a fine.) Despite an inopportune camera distance that allowed for little to see, conservative critics and thousands of distressed denizens cried foul, provoking the FCC to take these recent measures. You’d have thought...
...something considerably less offensive than what most networks broadcast routinely. Pervasive sexual innuendo on sitcoms, the increasingly tasteless themes of reality television shows, and the lack of quality programming for kids is far more detrimental to the impressionable minds of tomorrow. But, given Powell’s record, Dartboard won’t hold her breath...
Females already have cleavage that many people, including Dartboard, wouldn’t mind seeing 12 inches of. Seemingly unsatisfied with the status quo, however, too many members of the fairer sex have opted for more. Only this new sort of cleavage is far less to Dartboard’s liking. It’s so evil a town in Louisiana is near to passing a law against it. Dartboard rallies behind men from this town like Westwego City Councilman Glenn Green, who said simply, “I don’t relish seeing the beginning of the crease...
...women, Dartboard knows that some of you think this cleavage is fashionable, even sexy. New $100-plus jeans manufactured specifically to exhibit “the creases of people’s buttocks” are selling like hotcakes. And Dartboard knows that almost every woman is able to show this kind of cleavage off—the playing field is leveled for the first time. Despite all this, Dartboard implores the female population to reconsider this new fashion trend...