Word: dartboard
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...Dartboard spends a good amount of time in the library every week. But no matter how many times Dartboard goes through the process of opening his over-the-shoulder bag to give the security guard his requisite look, it still gets under his skin. Why do we make our library security guards rifle through our bags every time we leave when even a comatose library patron could manage to get books past the unnecessary inspection...
...copy of the Gutenberg Bible past the guard at the checking counter. Does the guard spend the time unzipping every zipper and feeling through every nook and cranny of Dartboard’s bag? Of course not: There’s already a line forming behind Dartboard and a quick glance will do. Dartboard could have had the lost continent of Gondwanaland hidden under his laptop and Security Service Incorporated’s trained professional would have been none the wiser...
...going to inspect bags, let’s go all out. Dartboard wants pat-downs for every tenth student, and more invasive body searches for every 20th. And why stop with students? Just like with plagiarism, professors should be held to the same standard as students when it comes to uncomfortable searches for contraband...
...Science Center. There’s a difference, though. Country club members have earned their privileges, and they pay annual dues. Adams House residents got lucky in a housing lottery, and they pay the same tuition as everyone else. This tuition then subsidizes their luxurious dining hall. Indeed, Dartboard struggles in vain to think of one way that the racket at Adams, in principle, is less nefarious than the capitalist patriarchies breathlessly browbeaten on leaflets around the Yard...
...course, it cannot be stated enough that Dartboard is also a “Quincy House resident.” Adamsians take heart: Those of us uncivil enough to talk about dining hall segregation are all part of the riffraff. Just keep flogging that in your defense...