Word: dartboard
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Early Saturday morning, Dartboard found herself in a post-party flush. She wanted clean teeth—and clean other parts—before thrusting off into neverland. But, as Dartboard approached the bathroom, her dreams were cut unfulfillingly short by a locked bathroom door and moaning sounds...
...Dartboard was delighted to cautiously expose sun-deprived skin this week after months of brisk New England weather. Unfortunately, while tempting the melanoma gods, Dartboard was also subjected to the perennial bellyaching of pale Harvard youth: If only we were in Southern California right now—it would be like this every...
...unlike most native Los Angelinos (who act as though they’re exiled on the East), Dartboard does not stick up for the ray-soaked wasteland and wishes eastcoasters and westcoasters would just get over it. Southern California doesn’t deserve such reverence. It more than makes up for its brilliant weather with disgusting urban sprawl, choking traffic, pollution, aesthetic debauchery and an intellectually stifling “laid back” atmosphere. The city is a huge expanse of strip malls, crumbling homes and apartment buildings that were in bad taste to begin with, crammed freeways...
...Dartboard is dismayed at the silly names the Bush administration gives its incursions abroad. In Afghanistan, America got Operation Infinite Justice, in Iraq, Operation Iraqi Freedom. Dartboard can’t even call them adolescent; they don’t deserve...
...When Dartboard hears names such as these, Dartboard can’t help but imagine President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld sitting in a backyard treehouse playing with cheap green plastic army guys. “Hey George, let’s call this one infinite justice, ok? Infinity is coooool.” Try sloppy and overblown...