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According to my conservative estimates toilet paper-less defecation occurs at a rate of at least 40.5 freshman tushies and 23 upperclassmen tushies a day. Comfort and peace of mind demand that we take action. The first step that must be taken is to provide a brand of toilet paper that is both comfortable enough to accommodate the discerning buttocks and durable enough to prevent messy private failure. Quality toilet paper can be consumed like caviar—in smaller amounts than fast food but with greater amounts of utility...

Author: By Derrick Asiedu | Title: Tools of the Stool | 1/29/2010 | See Source »

...some observers say the early rounds have already gone to gay-marriage supporters, no matter what the courts ultimately say. "Who remembers the outcome of the Scopes trial? Evolution lost the battle, though it has largely carried the day," Spindelman says, noting that Olson's stature as an elder within the Republican Party has made his involvement carry a message...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Gay Marriage Trial Rests, and a Key Ruling Awaits | 1/29/2010 | See Source »

...muster up some enthusiasm, the NFL made some changes for the 2010 bowl. The game was moved from Hawaii to Miami, site of this year's Super Bowl, and rescheduled for the Sunday before the championship to capitalize on the hype. But as game day approaches, the changes increasingly look like mistakes. Players lost the perk of a trip to Honolulu after a long winter in places like Green Bay and Buffalo and dropped out in droves. And because the New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts are in the midst of prepping for the Super Bowl, their all-star...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Is the NFL Pro Bowl Broken? | 1/29/2010 | See Source »

...same way after you've eaten a Shake Shack burger in New York, or Taco Bell after you've had the real thing in East L.A., even brief exposure to good pizza ruins you for the likes of Domino's or Pizza Hut. There's a night-and-day technical difference between the crisp but pliable, barely yielding quality of fresh pizza crust, especially with the telltale little scorch marks that come from passing through a real oven, and the Wonder-bread-like dough of its assembly-line rivals. As someone who grew up in Atlantic City, N.J., no pizza...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: Domino's Mea Culpa and America's Pizza Passions | 1/29/2010 | See Source »

...Cautious optimism also reigned after talks on Yemen hastily organized to take place alongside the Afghanistan conference, following the failed Christmas Day attack on a jetliner in Detroit. The Yemen meeting, on Jan. 27, set out steps to counter the growing threat from al-Qaeda militants based in the failing state, and envisaged a boost in aid from the U.S. and other nations. "We cannot afford inaction," said U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton at the conclusion of that meeting. But the challenge remains to turn all this talk into action...

Author: /time Magazine | Title: London Afghanistan Summit Glosses Over the Cracks | 1/29/2010 | See Source »

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