Word: decaf
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...character. Few citizens begrudge a President some luxuries, but it has to be done in the context of respecting the folk who sent you. The New Democrat who cared about the people who worked hard and played by the rules and who eschewed the cultural elite for a decaf at McDonald's is now perceived as being concerned more about gays in the military, abortion-rights activists, and loading up his Cabinet with millionaire lawyers than with Middle America. "The President should remind himself," says presidential scholar Stephen Hess, "that the people who elected him get their hair...
Barber: Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Yes, some people say drinking more than five cups of regular coffee can raise your risk of dying from heart disease, but decaf may raise your blood levels of LDL cholesterol, which is bad for the arteries...
Comic: O.K., killjoy, how about this? I switched from caffeinated coffee to decaf...
...Decaf coffee is, of course, a joke. My parents have told me numerous times that the key to breaking the addiction is drinking decaf, with the hope that I could maybe trick my body into thinking it was getting the real thing. Well, it didn't work for me any better than it did for them, and perhaps that's why rehab centers today don't recommend snorting flower as an intermediate step for recovering crack junkies...
...Decaf coffee is also largely unavailable in the dining halls, being about as popular as caffeine-free Diet Coke is in campus soda machines. If nothing else, this is a victory for taste, demonstrating that it is caffeine, not coffee per se, that is an acquired taste...