Word: delta
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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This became even clearer when Delta made the mistake of letting me work the p.a. system. The airplane p.a., it always seemed from my passenger seat, where I fought the urge to grab it, is the most powerful broadcasting tool in the world. You can interrupt 200 people's entertainment just to announce your thoughts. As soon as I got on it, I made a long speech about my goals as a one-day flight attendant and how we got a 2% commission for selling the Rande Gerber--designed cocktails. I told them that though I hadn't tried Delta...
...react to someone who is being paid to be nice to me. I'm also uncomfortable with waiters, masseurs and Scientologists. So every time I'm on a plane, I wish they would just let me get out of my seat and attend to my own in-flight needs. Delta offered to meet me halfway. I could be a flight attendant on an Atlanta--to--Los Angeles trip so long as I completed one day of its 5 1/2-week flight-attendant-training program--and also attended to the needs of everyone else on the plane. I didn't know...
Because struggling airlines haven't hired in a long time and because flight attendants rarely quit--thanks to the limited hours and unlimited free flights they get for themselves and their families--Delta received more than 100,000 applications for 1,200 new $19-an-hour jobs. My fellow future flight attendants weren't at all what I expected, based on my experience with service-sector jobs--which is to say that none were illegal immigrants. Even more shocking, some of them were straight men. One had been laid off from his long-held job as a local-news producer...
...plane hull, I now know how to ditch a plane too. People almost never survive a jumbo-jet water landing, but if you didn't put 55 swimsuited future flight attendants in a pool, you would have no chance of pitching a reality show, which I assume must be Delta's long-term business plan...
Right before I was about to work my flight, Delta claimed that regulations prevented me from donning the Richard Tyler--designed Delta uniform. I figured a guy in jeans telling them to bring their seat backs forward would be confusing to passengers, but as soon as I started greeting people, I learned that airline passengers are not in the mood to pay attention to anything. Your flight attendant could wear a burqa, and you wouldn't notice so long as she made your little TV set work...