Word: docs
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...Surri fails to accomplish something Doc asks--say, cleaning out the car or working in the garden--he might spank her or stand her in the corner as though she were a wayward child. When she succeeds, he might call her a "good girl" or give her a small gift. ("I filled out one of those online profiles that ask for your favorite quote, and mine was 'Good girl,'" says Surri. "Hearing [Doc] say that makes me happier than anything else in the world.") Surri, who turns 38 this month, particularly enjoys such "age play" when...
...Doc and Surri take BDSM much further than most practitioners, but they say they merely verbalize and theatricalize the unspoken power exchanges that exist in every relationship. "About 80% of how we live our lives is the way Mom and Dad did in the '50s," says Doc. "And the way most Baptists live their lives down here," says Surri, referring to the Southern Baptist Convention's resolution that wives should "submit" to their husbands...
More recently, the Internet has helped connect curiosity seekers with BDSM organizations. Doc and Surri, for instance, help lead a North Carolina group that started less than a year ago but already has nearly 700 people on its e-mail list. The calendar of BDSM social events now includes gatherings for every imaginable subgroup--everything from the International Deaf Leather Contest (scheduled in Dallas in August) to the Black Rose convention in the Washington area, a yearly weekend of workshops and parties that draws...
...someone to pass a flame across your genitals or tie you up for hours or tell you what to eat, are you in your right mind? I pressed Surri repeatedly on these issues. Finally, after a robust drag on her cigarette (which she had asked Doc's permission to smoke), she answered, "What we worry about when we look at our own community and try to make sure abuse isn't happening is whether submissives are restricted in their speech. And I can always say what I want ... Yes, Doc makes the final decision about things. But if he said...
...Surri admits that not all her SM relationships have been so balanced. After she left her second husband--Doc is her third--she "got tied into a very bad person," she says. One day the man told her to get into a dog kennel, and she willingly complied. But then he left her alone--a major no-no under the safe-sane-and-consensual guidelines taught at SM conferences. As it happened, the apartment building accidentally caught fire. Surri suffered burns and smoke inhalation. "I was nearly dead when the paramedics got to me," she says. When I ask what...