Word: dorff
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...piquant move, cast the real Patty Hearst in a small role. But since this is a movie about movies--spoiled film fatale Honey Whitlock (Melanie Griffith) is taken hostage by a cinematic liberation army led by a dreamy buff who calls himself Cecil B. DeMented (Stephen Dorff)--an air of fantasy permeates the entire jape, detoxifying it. There's a geniality to gags about ratings ("Hey, hey, M.P.A.A., how many movies did you censor today?") and Robin Williams weepies ("Patch Adams does not deserve a director's cut; the original was long enough"). Waters wants everyone to have a good...
...stars give their roles a dizzy spin. Dorff's Cecil sports a manic gleam that could be dementia or star quality (if there's a difference), and Griffith is aces as the Hollywood harridan; when she sees her super-stretch limo, in white, she snarls, "Do I look like a coke dealer?" Maybe Waters is ironizing his anger at the movie brats who have stolen his attitude but don't understand his spirit. If so, the master is giving the kids a lesson here. Cecil B. proves how a dose of smart bad taste can be jolly good...
...have to go to a theater to see these apparitions. In fact, you can't. Quantum Project, a 32-min. epic about a physicist (perpetual star-of-the-future Stephen Dorff) who defies his Merlinish dad (blustery John Cleese) to find love with the proper electron (petrochemical-sunset-haired Fay Masterson), is the first medium-length, Hollywood-style movie made uniquely for the Internet. Just log on to sightsound.com as the Web faithful did at 12:01 a.m., Friday, when Quantum popped online. Pay $3.95 to rent or $5.95 to buy. Download for four minutes--or many hours...
...these guys could make a movie as well as they talk it, Quantum might stoke hope along with the hype--be a mini-Matrix. But it doesn't work. David Aaron Cohen's script charts a familiar journey into oneself (Dorff is an implosive Luke Skywalker), and even with a final kiss that detonates a supernova of special effects, the movie remains stubbornly stillborn, emotionally unwired...
...Nothing's real until it's perceived," Dorff says. And no Internet movie can be applauded until it's downloaded. At a hefty 166 megabytes, Quantum Project can be smoothly swallowed only by the relatively few PCs with super high-speed broadband connections. The majority of Websters, with 56K dial-up modems, could take all night to access the movie--if their computers didn't crash first. And this one, alas, isn't worth the wait...